fear of the unknown.

thats the story of my life right now.

sladjfsdkfhslkfhfk.

:)

Yeah, so if you read my blog from last night maybe you noticed I was a little upset. Well I was, haha. But man God is so good.

Today I went on a field trip to the pumpkin patch with my kindergarten class :) They are SO adorable. (If you didn't know, everyday I go to a kindergarten class and help the teacher.. they call me Miss Monique.. and umm I LOVE them.) Before I go on, lets talk about their teacher.

Dang, she is amaaaazing. Like, the BEST teacher out there. She L.O.V.E.S her job. x73491837129. You can feel her energy everyday, and she always has a smile on her face! :) I'm really excited to just get to know her more and show her love through my words and actions.

So when we got there I started talking to one of the 1st graders' mom. She is a brand new single mom.. only 34.. and has 3 kids. She was asking me about life and stuff and we got to talk a bit.. but I could pretty much SEE the brokenness in her eyes. She was so hurt. She ended up asking me for my number so I could babysit her kids sometime :) God is awesome :) I am praying that even my relationship with this lady will be purposeful and that God will be glorified through me.

Anyway.. in reference to my blog last night.. i'm a loser. Did God use me today? Yes. Was I able to love people more? Yes. Was I anxious about anything? Nope.

He is so good. And although I am still learning a lot about Him, I need to remind myself that I am still a daughter of the King and He still intends to use me for His purposes. and that brings me so much joy. way beyond comprehension :) <3>

life.

I am not understanding it right now.

haha.

and I currently suck at it. um actually i need to stop saying that because I always suck at it.

I don't know how to I'm ever gonna have more faith. I don't know how to love God. I don't know how I'm ever gonna be used by God. I don't know how I'm ever gonna be able to SERIOUSLY love people. I don't know when ill stop being selfish. I dont know when ill stop feeling anxious. i dont know when ill be able to figure out certain things.

Im desperate. and I dont know what I want, or what i'm looking for. It's honestly very frustrating. I guess its safe to say I'm stuck. and its lame.

haha. yea so theres the update on MY life. hopefully next blog i'll be way more encouraging and actually maybe sorta have an answer and mention God a LOT more because its all about Him and not me. And I just made this whole blog about me.

perfect.

speechless

this week, as you can see maybe, wasn't the best.

quick update of where i'm at; im working on my faith right now. i don't have enough of it. once i do, i know things will get better. i really AM sad and confused.. but I know everything has happened for a reason. God's growing me through this. I just know it. Keep me in your prayers :)

i

am empty.

broken.

confused.

why do i

legitimately suck at life?

why does

God still love me?

why am i

still here?

why is

God still using me

ahhh.

Observation!

okay i know i haven't written in a while. and believe me, SO much has happened.

i made a really cool observation about life today though. i realized how much i LEARN every day. like pretty much EVERY ounce of encouragement i ever get from someone.. usually comes from a DISCOURAGING situation. So yeah.. God puts trials in my life to teach me stuff... haha. i just wish He didn't go so fast! i feel like i learn so many new things in one day and i don't have time to soak anything in. i think i need to spend more time with Him and pray about it. but yeah.

anyway. ill update u guys on life later. im outtaay! hahaha

so i guess when..

you’re actually constantly in the word, and constantly in prayer.. everything just seems to run more smoothly, and your life is just full of this overflowing joy. haha. who knew la bibliaaa could do that! lol.

this weekend was a-mazingggg. ive been reading 1corinthians because me and karina are going to do a bible study on that with the freshmen every friday. im really starting to realize that when Gods not at the center of my life, my life is a disaster. it is always about me and if things dont go right its like the end of the world haha. but when Christ is in the middle and you humble yourself before Him and before everyone around you.. then that’s when you truly know peace. and joy. God is so good. :]]

God is goooooooood :]

this week was.. good.

like, more than good. can’t even explain it. we had a prayer night service every single night this week from 6:30-8:00. These were the themes each night: monday, repentance. tuesday, the power of the cross. wednesday, youth testimonies. thursday, genuine faith. friday, GOD:] maybe i’ll write a little more in detail later.

but what more amazing way to end the week than major 2 hr worship session at bethany’s apartment with a few college students? umm WOW. best thing in life, ever. there’s nothing better than worshipping God. it was a great night. and i got to drive home. I DROVE A MAIN STREET AT 1 AM WITH BETHY! we almost died. haha. it was my first time going at speed 45 :OOO it was fun! haha. okay yeah. breakfast time!! yaaay for mexican eggs with beans and who knows what else. tortillas? you’re jealous. kay bye <3

Total Surrender.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I really just wanna FULLY surrender my life to Christ. I know i've attempted to do this multiple times in my life.. but it never follows through. I know why. I'm not really giving Him my everything. Just a large portion. But the truth is there's more. I need to give Him more. Like.. everything. LOL. Wow i'm just going in a circle. I apologize, my thoughts are all over the place haha. Get over it!! :]

I'm really struggling with sin. Like, there is certain sin in my life that I reallyyyyy wanna get rid of, but its kinda still there, and as much as I want it to go.. it doesn't. I've asked for forgiveness plenty of times. But its to a point where I just feel fake. That just makes me feel even WORSE.

This week at church we're doing a prayer night, every night. 6:30-8:00. I went today. Ironically, our pastor decided to start the week off with just a night of repentance. I thought 'oh yes. PERFECT. i need this... bad.'

so first we start off by praying and just personally asking God to forgive us. I do that. BUT, I just feel fake about my little prayer. Its the worst feeling, ever:/

THEN he says i'm leaving this mic up here. if any of you feel like you need to confess your sins to the church and have us pray for you. then come up. it definitely is gonna take a lot of humility.. let the Spirit lead you..

so a few people go up. most confess their sin. they're bawling though. their heart is broken. they realize how nasty their sin is and they confess it. they give it to God.

my friend looks at me and says.. hm do you wanna go up together and confess our anxiety? and I FREEZE. no way am I gonna go up in front of everyone and confess that. but HA there's another sin.. PRIDE. sadly i didn't overcome it, and my friend ended up going by herself. when she was up there she lost it. she came back and was just broken. she knew the depth of this sin, and how much it was destroying her, but she wanted to fix it. so bad that she knew she had to humble herself and CONFESS. not just to God but to the church. let me just say that she felt a lot better after, and i have a lot of confidence she wont be dealing with too much anxiety anymore. :)

but back to me and my stupidness. i didn't confess. i was prideful. i was fake. i didn't really understand how dirty all my sins are. dont get me wrong, i wanted to so bad! i asked God to break my heart sooo many times for these rotten sins, but He kinda just didn't. I ended up leaving not knowing whether or not God's really forgiven me.

because just maybe, my prayers were fake. they're BEEN fake. and im confessing it now. in this blog. i don't ever know who reads it but there you are. this breaks me and i don't know what else to do about it.

please keep me in your prayers. i KNOW something good will come out of this.

love you guys.

-monique

M.E.X.I.C.O! (Part 3)

okay TUESDAY!

my FAVE day(:

so we had the same amazing team :) after all the morning activities we headed off to our build site. when we were unloading the truck I remember going up to talk to the lady we were building for. She introduced me to her 3 sons and daughter.

ok, something cool, i speak fluent spanish.. so it made the trip really unique for me because i actually got to interact with the families we built for!

anyway, she was telling me her story about how she got divorced 5 yrs ago and how her husband moved to AZ. i remember meeting her 14 yr old daughter and noticing she didn't smile one bit, at anything. you could see this sorrow in her eyes. it was really sad. i later realized it was from everything going on. This lady's older son was not going to be able to go to high school. his education ended after junior high because the mom didn't have money to pay for his stuff. this broke my heart. he had to stay home doing NOTHING all yr. :( there was a lot of stuff going on within their family, and it was cool because i got to talk to this lady about it all and just love on her and give her words of encouragement.

so then she asked me, "WHY are u guys doing this? WHY are u building us a house, for FREE? WHY?" and i got SO excited. it was just an open door for the gospel.. and that's exactly the direction i went. i shared God's love with her and everything, and i'm confident that it wasn't me doing.. cause i just went on and on and on.. i know God was doing all the work.. and i was glad to be a part of it!! She told me she used to go to church but she was scared of some of the stuff they said. she also told me her kids used to love church. she promised me she'd start going she said she believe in God and she needed Him.

This was my absolute favorite part of the whole week. just sharing Christ to someone always brings u this amazing joy.

later that day we heard testimonies from some of the staff at mexico caravan ministries. it was cool to hear what God was doing in some of their lives. then we had a group devo and quiet time then bed!

i'll add more to this blog later when i actually have my journal. its upstairs. im too lazy to go get it haha.

k byeee! :]

M.E.X.I.C.O. (Part 2)

heeey guys:D here goes day 2:) maybe even day 3.

wait before i start i'm gonna give u a typical day schedule in mexico;

6:30-wake up and get ready

7:00-individual quiet time with God

7:30-breakfast

8:00-morning service

9:30-leave for build

4:00-back to the dorm.. free time until like 10

10:00-lights out upstairs.. devo time with your group

10:30-individual quiet time with God

11:00-lights out

Monday, Aug 3

so i woke up and had my quiet time. i think i was reading a chapter in the purpose driven life about serving God.. and i was just trying to prepare my heart for that day and for the build. i had heard it was gonna be so hard.. and hot.. and frustrating.

that morning we heard from this one guy that was a bible school college professor. he talked to us about making everything we pray about be about God's will for our lives, not our will. I don't remember much from that service I was kinda falling asleep. which was BAD, haha.

in my last blog i forgot to mention that that night me, breanne, and karina couldn't sleep so we had a bible study in el baño(the bathroom>:D) hahaha. we read 2 timothy and jkafjafhs i love that book. something i learned that night is how much biblical knowledge i DON'T have. it was really nice going through that book and stopping after each little part to talk about it.

so we got put into our teams for monday and tuesday. i remember on our way to our build that day..i was thanking God for the team He put me in. I just had a good feeling. so we got to our build site and met the family and started working on the house.

okay so A) it wasn't very hard to build, B) it wasn't frustrating at ALL and,and C) the heat just made it worth it :) here's the reason why everything worked out so well.. everyone on the team was just SO willing to work with each other, and SO humble, and SO unified with each other. it was an amazing representation of the body of Christ. the day ran smoothly, and it was so cool to see the look on the families' face when they saw their new house! we prayed for them and left. on our way to dinner we learned how to play the FRUIT game. if u dont know how to play that i need to teach u because its the funniest game of your life. haha that day we went to go eat at rene's.. the best place to eat EVER. i had this amazing burrito hahaha. so that night we had a group devo then quiet time. that night i journaled about how amazing that day went. i realized that the night before i really had only made it all about ME.. and that's why it was so disastrous. there's such a joy in serving God.. and that's something i never wanna forget. i also learned that i need to be more humble. putting others before myself is super important. that's one of the biggest things i got out of that day.

okaaaay i don't wanna write about tuesday so you guys gotta wait till tomorrow night :)

God BLessssss<3

M.E.X.I.C.O! (Part 1)

okaaaay. here it is, i promised! :)

as many of u know i went to mexico on a missions trip a couple weeks ago. looking back on it now, it was definitely a life-changing trip. God is so good. ahhh i don't know where to start :O i'll make it like a journal sorta..just going through each day :)

Sunday. August 2nd.

this day started early. i went out to coffee at 7 am with one of my bestest friends marianne!(: we were kinda catching up on life and stuff, and she was telling me about how she was gonna pray for me this whole week. she gave me a tiny little journal and wrote me the sweetest, most encouraging note ever in it! the rest she said, was for me to journal some things about my trip.. 'so i can remember' :)

then i went to church. we loaded the van and stuff and went to the 9 o'clock service. after the worship we went up to the front of the church so they could pray for us. it was so cool haha. it gave everyone a sense of peace to know there was a lot of prayer going into our trip.

after this service we went to go play handball outside. it was quite fun i must say. then we stayed for the 11 o'clock service and they prayed for us again.

and then we left. :)

we went to in-n-out for lunch. our last american food for a week. me and candida just go water with lemon in it. haha. omg i'm being too specific about things that really don't matter.. bare with me here. lol.

we were on our way to mexico finally! i was sitting next to this amazing girl named bethany grace reinbolt. no seriously, she's awesome :) and behind us were candida, sam, and emily. let's just say it was the sweetest combination of people because we played road trip games the whole way there! it was so fun!

we finally got to our dorm and we went upstairs. when i first walked into the girls' room i gasped. literally. the room was like 110 degrees and there was no air conditioning only fans, and there was like 500 bunk beds.. or like 20.. and they were 3 bed bunkbeds, not 2. HELP!!?? i flipped out. i did not even think i'd make it all week. i panicked, and i wanted to go home. we went downstairs to load the truck for out 1st build day. while we were loading i remember thinking, i'm hot, and im hungry, and im tired, and i DONT wanna be doing this right now. it was just complaint after complaint(in my head).

we went to this really good taco place to eat. it was pretty awesome. i still had a pretty negative attitude.

another thing was that when i went to mexico in april, by the first few hours i met the canadian team.. we all CLICKED. everyone fit in perfectly. there was unity. this team however, was not unified at ALL. i had done it. i set expectations..and it failed. that's another thing that was weighing me down.

so that night we had free time, then devo time at 10. i just didn't wanna talk to anyone i wanted to sleep so i just went to my bed and laid there. i remember thinking "i hope im not making this obvious".. and knowing myself, i really wasnt. i hadn't physically VOICED any complaints all day. it was all in my head. so im journaling and writing about how NOT excited for this week i was and stuff and how i hated it so far, and how i didn't even feel close to ANYONE on the trip. now, one of my closest friends karina was there, but we weren't on great terms that day.. and my leader bethany was there, we're suuuper close. so im sitting there journaling about how i didn't wanna bug her or ruin this night for her.. and right when i was writing that.. she comes up to me and gives me a folded note. i open it and it says: "I love you, and so does Jesus, the Creator of the Universe!:) -Love Bethy-Love" ... UMM! what?! HI GOD! Hahaha! It was crazy timing. Then i read back on what i had written about my day so far.. and i realized it was very "me" centered. i just wanted to be comfortable. i didn't wanna step out of my zone. i didn't like that the team wasn't unified. i didn't like a lot of things. but that was the wrong kinda mindset. right then the first thing i learned was that this trip was NOT about me..but about God.

okaaaay. so i changed my mind i cant write it all tonight. it took about half an hour to write about day 1 out of like 6 days. so this is officially part 1 :) stay tuned for more!!

God Bless,

-moni-q

one of those days

ahhh today was just... weird.

i don't know what made it that way :/

and i did something that made me feel so distant from God.

why is it that certain things we do make us feel distant from Hin?

OH YEAH, sin separates us from Him. I guess i'm learning that the hard way. I don't like when He feels distant :(

anyway. i would write the mexico blog but i''m in a weird mood so it just wouldn't be the same. hahaha.

byee C:

Been a While!

Hey guys!

Ok so I know I fail at life, I haven't written my mexico blog yet! I just don't understand HOW i'm going to write it. I learned SO much. Hahaha.

..be patient?

anyway. I'm out of town right now at my cousin's house. Life is good. I have been teaching at a VBS my aunt is holding at her childcare this week. We are learning about Fully Relying On God. I have told them about Daniel in the Lions Den, David and Goliath, and Shadrach Meshac and Abdenego. (sp?) All these stories I have heard before. But I just barely kinda realized how cooool they actually are! They are real life stories about how these people actually HAD to rely on God, and then how God actually came through for them! God is so awesome :]]

Being here this week has been a challenge though. I just came home from a pretty much life-changing trip, and then I have to live with like 5 kids under the age of 11!

..HELP!?

It's definitely been hard. I need to learn to be more patient. I guess that's another thing I can add on to my list of "I have learned so much lately!"

Hahaha. Seriously. God's doing crazy stuff in my life. I know my heart's changing. I feel like I understand Him more now. I understand what He wants from me, and its hard to give that to Him, but i'm definitely trying!

Okaaaay I feel like i'm rambling. lol. I alwaaaays do!! i'm done though I think. okay yeah. mexico blog will be up in the near future.. maybe.. quite possibly.. don't get your hopes up. kaay bye :]

God Bless <3

summer nights.

i've really been getting into the summer night swing situation. hahaha.
that pretty much means that umm, it's 1 am and i'm not the LEAST bit tired.
oh boyyyy.

so tonight i had an awesome conversation with my lovely cousin daniela :)
i miss that girl so much.
and after lots of prayer God was faithful to answer.
i ended up telling her everything i needed to tell her, and she took it well. i'm actually going to do a bible study with her on Ephesians!
I am sooo excited. So keep that in your prayers :)

This last week i've just really seen God working in my life. it's kinda the coolest thing ever. haha. maybe its the fact that when i wake up i open my bible and read it :O maybe that's making a difference? lol. i am sure it is.

i've just been named president of christian club at my school for this upcoming yr. it doesn't mean anything, really. because the leadership is working together in making decisions and being a part of the club. but its still really awesome to know that God has blessed me with this sort of title :] i'm so excited for this upcoming year and how God is going to work on our campus.

k i'm just kind blabbing. nothing important here. gonna go read ephesians. then read it again. and again. until I truly understand it. jdsafhadksfasdh so excited for this bible study and for what God can do through it.

night guys. :)

Dear _________ and your freakout brain,

(insert your name on the line)

I'd just like to take this opportunity to remind you that the sun is still going to rise in the morning- right on time. Because tomorrow, just like every single day, the world is setting its watch by God's faithfulness. He comes through every day. And tonight, while you're staring up at the ceiling, a few gazillion miles beyond your gaze, each one of the billions of stars is suspended and held in the nothingness, precisely where your mighty God placed it. Tonight, the little minnows out in the depths of the deepest ocean are sleeping under the watchful eye of your Heavenly Father. And He has made sure that the birds in the south american rainforest are tucked in too.

______, stop playing the what-if game. Why are you trying to imagine every possible scenario that you might face? And why are you wasting your brain space trying to come up with your response to those imaginary scenarios? Your Daddy promised that He would give you whatever you need in any situation you run into. But you're not actually facing any of those imaginary scenarios. They're not real, ______. They don't exist. You're not there right now. So breathe.

I know you feel like a lot of things you're facing are bigger than you are. They are bigger than you are. But they're not bigger than your Daddy. Your Daddy created the universe. He walked on water. He silenced storms. Death bows to Him. Disease submits to Him. Demons flee from Him. All of life answers to Him. Right now angels are dancing around His throne proclaiming His power and majesty because they just can't help themselves.

________, your Daddy has promised that He'll carry you through anything. Yes, He may let you walk through some hard things, but He won't let you walk alone. And remember: every single saint ended up fine on the other side. So you can exhaust yourself trying to figure out every solution to every possible scenario that you can invent in your mind. You can let your Daddy pick you up-limp and lifeless, wiped out from stressing- and carry you through the one real situation that actually does come to pass... Or you can hop on your Daddy's back, letting Him carry you, excited to see how He's gonna tackle what's in front of you. Either way your future is coming tomorrow and you're going to face it. Which way do you want to travel, _____ ?

Stop acting like your on your own, child of the King. GOd is right here. Right here. Step into His arms. Bury your face in His chest. Let Him hold you. Tell Him everything you're worried about. Ask Him for everything you need. Drop your burdens at His feet. And leave them there. Nothing is bigger than your Daddy. Nothing is gonna take Him by surprise. And He won't let you down.

And by the way, did you know that hair number 16,253 just fell out on your pillow? You missed that, didn't you? But your Daddy didn't. He sees you, girl. He's got you. And He wants you to know that He loves you very much. Sweet Dreams. =)

*This is from a devotional that I get at my youth group each month. Hope you guys enjoyed! It was written by: Laurin Makohon*

It's not about me

Today.
I have done, and said, the dumbest things of my life.

of course I get what I deserve and feel guilty about everything after.

But sometimes. (or most of the time) I forget that my God is a God of grace and mercy. and He still loves me. and that's a lotta love because I make mistakes like every 5 minutes. Haha.

Tonight was different though. I found myself crying out to God because I just don't ever know WHAT to read in the bible. I just NEVER know what to read, or where it is God wants to speak to me through. Its been bugging me SO much lately.

and I still don't have an answer to that. Its frustrating. But all I know is that it's not about me. It's all about God and bringing glory to Him with everything I do. So even though I still don't have the answer, i'm going to continue to worship Him and love Him.

I've said stupid things today. and I can sit here and feel guilty about it for 5 hours and cry. OR I can accept God's grace and move on. I think i'm taking the second option.

It's not about me and my past mistakes. Its about God and His incredible love and mercy.

<3

Love

So lately i've realized that when things DON'T go my way, i'm a complete BRAT.
and frankly, I need to get the heck over myself.
Haha. Seriously.

This weekend was an amazing weekend where I literally saw God work through me in other people's lives, and it put so many things into perspective.

Then today things just... go wrong... and I start feeling bitter.

I hate it.

I wanna be at a point in my life where I am just so in LOVE with Jesus, that nothing else matters. If my hope is really in Him, then I should just REJOICE at all times.

I'm praying a lot. and I ask for your guys' prayer too :]
night guys.

-Monique

"Can't hold my love back from You"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9jdaOG6Lis

I love this song. Its about how we can't let anything hold our love back from God. So many things in this world try to get us down.
Yesterday I found out I wasn't going to be able to go on a missions trip to Mexico. I had been thinking about this trip for months! I didn't respond well to the news. I took it out on other people. Then later I found out there was still hope, and that I would be going on the trip.

This did NOT make me feel better.
I ended up starting to feel GUILTY. I knew I didn't even deserve to go on this trip.
I learned that God loves me SO much. Like more than I can imagine.

and just like bethany was saying on sunday... we fail 1000 times, yet God's mercy remains. I am beginning to truly understand that and its INSANE!

God's love is so amazing. And I love Him too. Things like what happened yesterday should not cause me to hold my love back from Him. Because that's exactly what happened.

"I can't hold my love back from you, I can't hold my love back from you, I gotta sing, I gotta sing, sing my love."

<3

Clouds of Comfort

So tonight me and karina went to our school to pray.

We wanted to just pray for our campus, and for all the students that go to it.

It was a little risky... considering there was teachers, staff, and custodians on campus.

But we knew we were doing something right, and that God would watch over us.

We decided to lay in the very middle of the quad...before we started I looked up at the sky and saw the moon. I smiled, and then looked at Karina.

She took out her bible and we were reading about the 7 bowls of God's wrath in Revelation. We were talking about how sad it was that a lot of people we knew were going to have to go through that if we didn't speak up. We were talking about how if we really loved people, we would try to steer them in God's direction and lovingly show them the truth.

We decided we wanted to pray with our eyes open and looking at the sky.

All I remember at this point is karina's gasp when she first looked up.

Then of course, I looked up, and I got the chills.

There were now clouds, and they were moving past the moon. Funny thing is...the clouds were ONLY over our school.

Hello God?!

He definitely made His presence known at that moment.

We felt more at peace with what we were doing, confident that God was on our side, and smiling :)

We prayed for boldness and wisdom. We prayed for all the students. We prayed for certain students. We prayed about other things.

Then it was over.

But I felt SO at peace.

And while we were praying, and looking up at the sky... I realized something;

Why were me and karina so scared to talk to people at school? All we need to do is look UP and remember that GOD is BIGGER, and He is in US. There is no doubt about it.

Just like Mark said at Christian Club, there is MORE power in me and karina, then there is in the rest of the school. That should give us assurance.

God is so powerful, and I KNOW He is able to transform lives. We may not feel like its even possible at ALL, but through God..I know me and Kari-ri can do it.

We can be that light.

Thankyou Jesus :)

HE LOVES US.

God.Is.Amazing
and He LOVES US.
please watch this, till the END!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

single ladiessss(:

http://www.facebook.com/friends/?ref=tn#/video/video.php?v=1069744347731&ref=mf

Mexico Outreach 2009

April 3-11

Wow, what a week!!! :]

So, a few months ago my mom asked me if I wanted to go to Mexico on a missions trip. I said yes, since I have always wanted to go on a Missions trip! I later found out that I was going to go with a small group of people from Canada. I was so excited, I love meeting new people!

A few days before the trip I found out I was not going to be able to cross the border without a passport. Mine was expired. It was so hard for me those few days because I had been looking forward to this trip for ages. Everyone was praying..and then I finally got an email saying that it was okay to go :]

The day of it, the Canadians were at my church waiting for me and Lucy(the other translator) to come. I got there a little late, but it was all good. All I remember is everyone crowding around me shaking my hand, with Scott(the leader), giving me everyone's name. I remember I was scared because I didn't think i'd ever memorize all the names. There was like 13 of them. Haha. We took a group picture with my mom, and Lucy's mom, and we were off to San Diego.

On our way to San Diego, me and Lucy sat together. It was definitely crazy to go to MEXICO, with people from CANADA, that we had NEVER met before. But God had a plan.

We got to the church we were staying at, and everyone went outside to play soccer. I sat at a bench, because I hate soccer. Haha. Then we went out for dinner. That's when I started talking to Alicia, one of the girls from the group. We definitely bonded over our love for Starbucks haha. We were craving it that night, and when we finally got to go, we found out it was CLOSED. laaaaaaame. We had pizza, then we went back to the church.

When we got back I decided I wanted to wash my hair before going to Mexico, since I was going to get NO SHOWER FOR A WEEK. hahaha. Alicia thought the same way too so we both washed our hair in a sink. It was kinda comical :)

Afterwards, we had a devotional. Me and Lucy got to hear the story of our team. Its honestly so crazy how our team got put together...it was all God's plan! We knew that each and every single one of us was there for a reason, and we all got along great! I honestly felt like they were family from that very first day. Everyone spoke a little, then we prayed. After, we played some worship songs and some people sung along, while others were journaling about their day and stuff. It was such a relaxing night. I was sooooo excited for the next day...MEXICO!!! <3

The next morning we were off to Mexico! I got in the truck with Frank because each car needed a translator. I called my mom and said my last goodbye for the week. At the border crossing, the van made it through...but the truck didn't! Me and Frank had to park and take half the stuff out of the truck so they could check it. Thankfully, the lady finally let us go. Right when we got into Mexico it was SOOO beautiful <3>

We finally got there and the Barnabas team welcomed us in! I already liked them from the very beginning. They were so cheerful:) Setting up our tents definitely took a while. Then we picked roomates, and me, alicia, and delsarose decided we wanted to share one. We set everything up, and then it was time for dinner. My first time going up to dinner was funny. I was DYING. There is a huuuuuuge, super steep hill you gotta climb before you get to the top. Hahahah. I knew I was going to get a workout that week considering I had to climb up there twice a day every day.

Dinner was delish. Then it was time for chapel. When I first sat down I looked up and saw the sunset! It was so pretty. Chapel is outdoors, and right behind the stage you see our tent city, and then hills, and the sunset. Its beaufitul. Team Barnabas introduced themselves, and then it was time for worship. The message that night was awesome. The speaker told us about Divine Appointments. It basically means that everyone that was there in Mexico that week, was there for a reason, and we had to pray to find out that specific reason. They also made a big deal about how there was a bunch of churches who dropped out of the trip because they were too scared to go to Mexico. Its insane. They were telling us that all of us who were there, was there because God wanted us there that week. And its awesome in how much faith we had in God for protection. <3

After chapel, we had group time. I remember walking to the restrooms(outhouses), and hearing a group singing Mighty To Save(my absolute favorite worship song , ever). At that moment I felt so happy, I knew this trip was going to be AMAZING. We had group time and it was awesome. We had hot chocolate and just talked about our day. Then we prayed, and it was time for bed!

Sunday morning...I wake up to this truck driving around our tents with the music BLASTINGGGG the song MMBOP by hanson. Hahahah it was awesome. It was team barnabas..and they were in the truck screaming, "WAKE UP EVERYONE, TIME FOR BREAKFAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON GET UP!!!!!!". Then, they passed by our tents screaming, "WAKE UP CANADAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!" hahaha! It was the funniest thing ever. We were officially being labeled as, Canada :] It was cool.

Every morning me and Lucy went to a meeting called the interpreters meeting. I heard so many cool stories in those meetings. We got to meet all the other translators from the other churches.(Oh yeah, there was about 400 of us...making up about 20 different churches I think).

Breakfast was at 7 so we got our breakfast and went to the meeting. It was so cool. Then we went to chapel at 8. THIS TIME, I look back and I could kinda see the sunRISE. Hahaha. Again, it was beautiful.

Honestly, I loved the whole 'no distraction' situation. I didn't have my phone, or myspace and facebook to distract me. All I had was the beauty of creation, awesome inspiring people around me with a heart for God, and....GOD! There was nothing else really, and I loved that!!!

Chapel that morning was awesome. I wrote a lot of notes on the message. I could write it all out, but it would definitely take forever. It being Sunday meant we were all going to our churches for the Sunday service! Every group had a church they were going to help out at all week, and ours was called Monte De Los Olivos, there in Ensenada :] We went, and I thought the service was awesome. It was all in spanish, obviously, but yeah, it was bombskie. We met some people after, then went back to the camp. I was really tired so i'm pretty sure I took like a 3 hour nap. Haha. Then it was time for dinner and chapel again, then group time, then lights out.

Monday, tuesday, and wednesday were all pretty much the same...but different in their own way. Monday, we met the kids and did crafts and stuff, Tuesday the church made a special service for us, and we had dinner at the pastors house. Wednesday was a story, craft, and songs. It was basically like a VBS type thing. Throughout the whole week I got to meet some awesome kids like Itzel, Antonio, Fernando, Aby, Ana, Nayelli, Abigail, Yulissa, Elizabeth, and Jorge. I built relationships with some of them, and throughout the week a lot of the girls made me little notes and stuff saying they'll never forget me and they didn't want me to leave. One of the crafts one day was to make bracelets for yourself, and that's what I was doing..when all the sudden like 6 little girls come up to me because they had made ME a bracelet. I felt so special. Then I got more!

Oh yeah...the whole week I was translating. Lucy too. It was so cool. I actually felt somewhat important to the team. Me and Lucy liked to think we were the voice of the team, because without us, our team couldn't communicate with anyone in the church :]

I definitely saw a huge need in Mexico. Just with all these kids and stuff. It was crazy. I immediately felt spoiled because of everything I had at home. They have so little, yet they're still so happy.

The pastors of the church had a daughter named Ruby. She is 15. She is sooo soooo soooo sweet, and I got to talk to her a lot. I defintely have at least ONE friens in Mexico now :]

Throughout the whole week I got really close with everyone on our team. I was beginning to get sad because I knew I would soon have to say goodbye :( I got extra close with my tent buddies, Alicia and Delsarose. I even nicknamed them Shay Shay and Rosecake <3>

On thursday we had a candle light service at chapel. It was so pretty and so amazing. I was defintely going to miss chapel and all the worship songs. My favorites were I can only Imagine, The Stand, Declare His Glory, This generation, and Trading my Sorrows. Those were mostly our camp songs :] That last night at chapel me, Rosecake, Shay Shay, and Lucy decided we wanted to speak in acccents. It was kinda hilarious. We went all night speaking in thee most random accents EVER. I miss that night like CRAZY.

Friday we left. It took about 3 hours to get out of Mexico. It was kinda lame haha. Then we went to a mall in San Diego, and me, Shay Shay, RoseCake, and Lucy did some speeeeedy shopping. then we went to Azusa Pacific University to stay the night there. I was very sad on this night.

That whole week I had gotten very close to this group. They were basically like family. I didn't miss my family back at home much because I KNEW I would see them again. But I knew I was NOT going to see these guys anytime soon after this trip. They live in another COUNTRY. It was kind of depressing.

We had shared a lot of laughs, and had some pretty deep conversations as a group, and I was so sad that I was going to have to say goodbye very soon.

That last night I got to talk to shay shay, delsarose, and lucy. We shared our testimonies, and just talked about life. I will never forget that night. We stayed up till 3.

The next morning we went to breakfast at Dennys, and Lucy's brother was on His way to pick us up. Me and Shay Shay were VERY sad.

Me and Lucy had written a poem, so we read it to them. All I remember is that the last lines of the poem go:

"...and now we're standing here about to say our last goodbye, we love you all so much, goodbye mexico'09"

Yeah I definitely almost cried. It was time. We got in a prayer circle, and said our last goodbye. I walked by Alicia and she told me to say goodbye to her last. As I went up to hug her so many things were running through my head. I was extremely sad that the week was over, and now I was saying goodbye to basically my sister. It was a longer hug, and it was a true hug <3>

On my way home I slept. I was so tired. When I got home I cried. It was kind of like a ...back to reality thing. I was so scared. I knew I was going to get all caught up in my cellphone, friends, myspace, and facebook again. I knew I would somewhat forget about God.

I met up with my cousin Aley that day for coffee. It was crazy because I haven't talked to ehr one on one in about 6 months. A lot of family stuff has happened..but she went to mexico that week too with another group, and God did some pretty AMAZING things in her life that week. I was soooo happy on the inside, and we got to talk everything out. I am so thankful that God worked in her heart that week, and we finally reconciled for real this time!

One very last thing that stood out to me: My leader Bethany is one of those people who just wants to get out tehre and be a Missionary and stuff overseas. She always used to tell me that I should get into missions and stuff too, cause the world needed it. I always said no. My heart was never in it for Missions. Before I left on this trip she told me she was going to pray for God to change my heart. I came back, and something was different. I wanted to go back. I loved it! I remember seeing Bethany on Sunday and telling her I now wanted to be a missionary..and I gave her a big hug! <3>

Wow, long blog. And it only covered the basics..

Haaaaaaa.

Thoughts?

xoxo

Monique